i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
