Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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