she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
