Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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