I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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