I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
