There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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