don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
