i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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