I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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