walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
