Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
