I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
