Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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