I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
