he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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