There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
