Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
