Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Of course I have a pirate flag
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
