That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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