TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
