if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
