well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
