Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize