omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
