Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
