You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize