on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
