My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
