I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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