If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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