Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
