Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
