It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
COCAINE IS GR8
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
