Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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