we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
