His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
