Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
