I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
