I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
