3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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