Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
