in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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