pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
