giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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