some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ok first of all what the fuck
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
