she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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