her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
