first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
