Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
