What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
