i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
