I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
