Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
