Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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