Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
