The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize