We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
why do cheetos always look like penises
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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