Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
