I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
