wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
