Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
