I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize