she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
