Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
