and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
