A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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