if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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