Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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