He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize