Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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