I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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