Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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