doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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