is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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