Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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