Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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