Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
