I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
