$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How does it feel to date your dad?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
