i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
