we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
