i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
