My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
