he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
