My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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