remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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