You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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