I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
and you fell through a lawn chair
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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