Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
