I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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