one might say we're banned from that church
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
