shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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