ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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