dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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