I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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