How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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