He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize