we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
